there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
