So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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