This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
