I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
