Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
