Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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