can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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