If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
