just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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