You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
