ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
