how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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