apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize