Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just threw up on my dentist
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
