we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize