oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
