Barsexuality is the new black.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
