i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
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