Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize