so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
