I CAN MOONWALK!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
