That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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