I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
