one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
