hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
