just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
