She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
