Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
