were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
