her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Please don't give away my fajitas
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
