need another drink. this is the easiest way
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My penis needs a shock collar
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
