Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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