don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
