Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
