I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
