So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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