i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
