I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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