I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I skipped work to stalk him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
