last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize