I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
