I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
