If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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