so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
