yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
thus making me awesome and them whores
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
