you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
