My room smells like vodka and shame
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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