you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize