oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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