Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
