when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
