We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize