You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
