After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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