puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
