i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
