The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Randomize
