meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
