Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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