so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
