i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
where does the pee come out of this thing
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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